Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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