shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
