so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
