I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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