You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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