he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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