Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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