I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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