my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
only you would photoshop your dick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
