I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
