remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize