I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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