You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
MIDGETS
????
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
