tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize