I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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