at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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