I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
