My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
even my farts smell like vagina
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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