Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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