I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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