I'm really into asian looking animals
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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