guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
