it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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