so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
