everyone is single if you try hard enough
false alarm. still invincible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
