And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
