How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
