If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
