If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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