you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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