In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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