I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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