Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
