There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
