just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
