Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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