mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
