my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize