OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
