I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize