We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
