i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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