Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
