Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
