mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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