He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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