When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think your dad took our porno
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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