the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
