8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
