wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
