I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
