smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
