I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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