the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
