I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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