69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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