Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
